Solitary Struck v.1

It's Solitude to the core and I am so intensely struck by its beauty. It does bother me at times but the solitary essence pulls me back to itself. I am willingly being in solitude and only god knows why, there has got be something to it.

Going on my bike alone when I can actually give someone a ride, going for lunch alone with truck loads of friends in my office who might want me to join them, having a monthly phone bill of less than 15 rupees with hundreds of people to talk to and a lot in those lines which is actually a part of my day to day solitary life.

Everything burns, you just need to accept that fact...No one's responsible

How it all started
I was this guy who gels with people and gets social in a matter of minutes, life is not to be taken seriously is whats written on my face, speech, dressing & blah blah blah but suddenly, a few months back I got into this self-improvement reading marathon, I just couldn't let myself be a part of anything around, even those "talk shit about others" groups, which I liked before ;-). I eventually got sucked into this enlightened world where everything which looks intense to others looks very trivial to my eyes & without a doubt I just belittled all that is actually crucial to life (in others perspective) like job, project , health etc; I still believe there is nothing to worry coz there are people doing worse than I am (not at all positive rite, it's just for you, I usually don't talk negative ;-)).


Today after a long time, I could sense that I am in solitude...when I was scanning my journal/dairy, I noticed I had written more about the daily activities with people around and other stuff like "why I like her, which part ;-), how was that place, the food which sucked, I dint like when she said that" etc etc, but now my journal pages have things like "take it easy, I am doing great, my day at the office was just perfect, my lunch was superb, the book had kick-ass strategy, FM was playing bullshit tracks, the movie is good etc etc", there is no trace of manual activities (that's what they call in software industry for "Interaction" ;-)).


One other incident- I had more than 40 unread messages (all forwards) and around 20-25 miss calls, I just couldn't believe myself coz I carry it everywhere and there is no way I can miss all this, sad but true. So, I just took my cellphone buzzed everyone with my dirty forwards and an unprecedented 15-20 people called/messaged asking a spree of questions like "where are you, in Chennai?"," What happened, now messaging is free or what", "I don't have your number, lost all my contacts", "Howz wipro training going on", "y? today in good mood or what" etc etc.

What I derived is,

People miss you if
your gone for a short time but if you just ignore their importance and be
all by yourself, they don't miss you instead they forget
you.

That's exactly what happened in my case, some of my very close friends ask me things like "If I can come out for a movie or If I am free", "If your not doing anything you can join us", "If you want you can come along", "how about going for an outing, what do you say" etc etc. before it used to be like "come for a movie, I am waiting", "saturday, is my treat, c u there". A change in comfort levels is what is the crux of the matter, thats how I see it.


Saying, things have changed is totally wrong, it's actually I who has changed. Be it for the good or bad, things really drift along with time (that's the freaking lesson). Sometimes there is nobody to rescue but sometimes it gets too awarkward to actually break the ice, accept that you screwed up & try getting back the social loss. Humans really are confusing, just like I am.